Expecting a Miracle (Day 7)
Wednesday, January 18, 2023 (Day 7)
So, I made it through yesterday with thanks to my brother Frankie providing a workout for me via Facetime from Bellevue, WA. I surprisingly got through the routine as he guided me through exercises using predominantly bands and covering all body parts. He knew exactly what exercises I would need in my attempt to maintain any aspect of strength through this ordeal. Frankie is an amazing, world-class trainer and coach and I am so blessed to have him as my brother. Check out his site: http://www.frankierongo.com/
I then made my way to MSK (hey that rhymes) for what I thought was to be a chemo treatment along with radiation, but was told it would only be radiation. My chemo session for this week will be on Thursday. I got through the treatment without any major incidents. Since the nurses have adjusted my mask slightly, I am able to breathe better. So, I headed home with the hopes of getting down another meal, if possible, and even the slightest break on some of the spitting/choking routine.
And, that was not to be the case.
I forced myself to get down a mixture of mashed and sweet potatoes that took me almost an hour to finish. My appetite is below zero for the reasons I've been referring to. The difficulty swallowing and the awful taste when I do swallow. So, Andrea and I made it through three episodes of 'Heartland', which seems to be our daily goal, and then it was time for bed. After I meditated, I prayed for even the slightest uptick of a nights sleep.
And again, that was not to be the case.
Through the onslaught of hacking, choking and spitting, this was my worst night to date. I couldn't make it more than a few minutes without spitting. I tried to rest with the wedge pillow, even without it, nothing worked. Andrea kept consoling me, which fucking kills me as I know that my wife needs her rest. Around 4:30am I threw in the towel and relocated to the living room couch. I propped up one of the back cushions, threw a few blankets over me, put me feet on the ottoman and attempted to rest in a "L" position.
Of course that didn't help
This journey of mine is the most challenging ordeal I've ever face. It is breaking me down in ways that I never deemed imaginable. And here's the kicker, THIS IS ONLY DAY 7 OF 35!! I have absolutely no energy, no appetite, eating and drinking is something now that I cringe. This fucking spitting thing has me at wits end, and I feel like I'm starting to lose it.