Expecting a Miracle (update)
Sunday, January 22, 2023 (Day 10)
Hello again my friend in Oneness,
Thank you all for the kind wishes. I know that it's been a few days since my last update, but there were specific reasons for that. First, It was becoming increasingly difficult to just sit here and type, either I was feeling too sick, or my back tends to tighten up when I sit in my office chair for more than ten minutes. But most importantly, I was struggling spiritually because the content of my blogs were all centered around my sickness and negative energy.
As a Messenger of Oneness, my objective is always to 'lift and inspire', and my prior blogs were definitely not doing that. I know that this content presents me with more challenges as I go through a very difficult time in my life regarding my health. So, for those reasons I did not post over the past few days.
To get you caught up, what I will say is that my journey got a hell of a lot tougher. The treatments themselves have not been the issue, it's more of the quality of life that I now find myself in because of the treatments. I can no longer drink liquids in the usual fashion. Anything that I drink comes back up out of my nose (crazy, huh?). So, I need to take just the tiniest of sips through a straw. MSK has been setting me up with daily hydration sessions just to keep me safe. Eating is pretty much a thing of the past. I try very small bites, or teaspoons. I have to swallow ever so gingerly, but when I do swallow, it all tastes disgusting no matter what I'm eating.
So, because of these concerns, my team is implementing a 'feeding tube' for me. This afternoon, me and Andrea will be driving to MSK in the city, first for a hydration session, and then I will be admitted to the MSK UCC (Urgent Care Center), where I'll have to stay. I don't know how long I'll be there, but they'll be able to keep me hydrated, feed me to whatever degree, still give me my radiation and chemo, and perform the feeding tube procedure. I assume that I'll be able to come home after that is all said and done.
I intend to view all of this from a 'positive perspective'. It is really difficult, but I must. I know that with each sick or nauseous feeling, every spit, and every pain is the cancer leaving my body. I tell Andrea about all that I'm looking forward to: going back to school, singing again, enjoying the Springtime, being able to eat and drink normally again, gaining my weight back. Speaking of eating, my most recent food fantasy was about me devouring a bowl of fettuccine puttenesca! I love green olives, and I just picture a mouth watering red sauce with garlic, capers and tons of green olives, and pouring it all over a half pound of fettuccine! (which, is nice!)
I thank you again for all of your kind wishes, and for continuing to share in my journey with me.
I have no words. Just Love